right between the ribs, you'll feel it then

and when you finally realize
that I'm the best thing you'll never have
you call me back...

So here's whats happened in the past 24+ hours. I've officially lost my voice. I feel very awful because I'm sick but also, on top of that, because its "that time of the month." I got offered an internship at the National Endowment for the Arts in DC (yay!) but I have to hear from SJF about a grant in order to do it (boo!). Also, I have to decide if it is really the right choice. And, if the place in provincetown doesn't call back, then I really think it is. I'm afraid of going forward I think, and thats what holds me back in alot of areas. Because I know that I'll miss my friends and miss my family and I'll have to be away from them - but I also know that an internship in DC has been one of my dreams from the start and I shouldn't throw it away just because I'm scared. It could lead to a job in Boston, no? And then I would be home!
Oh, and the icing on the cake just had to be when a certain someone texted me "I think we should talk." Um. Why? I think that was my biggest question. But oh - we talked! And by that I mean, he called and "apologized" and went on to justify all his actions and all I could say was "um" or "ok" or "really, why are we having this conversation?" Probably the stupidest 15 minutes of my life. I felt like I was supposed to say "No, its ok.. don't worry, you did the right thing. I still think you're a good person." But all I could say was, "No, I don't want to be friends. You hurt me. Thats how things happen sometimes. Is that all?" Oh. My. Goodness.
So anyways, I think my non-voice and I will take a day off from talking - out of necessity, really - and enjoy the silence.

Liar, liar
You're such a great big liar
With the tallest tales that I have ever heard
Fire, fire
You set my soul on fire
Laughing in the corner as it burns
Right between the ribs is sinking in

Oh, the sirens sing so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh, oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown
Anyone would drown

Sick and tired of this mad desire
Fluttering aside me like a hawk
Wire wire
Got my hands on wires
Will heaven help you when I get them out?

Right between the ribs
You'll feel it then

The sirens sang so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh, oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown
Anyone would drown

All the ships go down
Following the sound
All the ships go down

Oh oh the siren sang so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh oh oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown