truth vs. honesty

i always thought
i knew who they were
until they met me
until the day I found out
they didn't want my honesty
they wanted the truth in their favor
i always thought
i knew myself
until i met you
until the day i found out
i didn't want honesty
i wanted the truth in my favor
honesty is harsh
the truth burns
but it frees
it frees the soul from everything
can one truth change a person's ways?
can one person change in a matter of days?

i believe
and i cry out
for the truth that rips me apart
for the truth that breaks my heart
for the truth that is real...

sunshine

“Hey

I have more good days than bad days

Nowadays…”

She says to the mirror

As she puts on her mascara

Highlight

Those baby blues

Deep oceans of thought

“plus

Whats to break

When you’ve already been broken?”

She combs her hair

To the tune of the radio

Some hours are just harder than others

And some hearts just take longer to heal

But no matter what

She keeps believing in restoration…

And she always smiles

When the sun shines

Shift down to second

Careful of the ice

The roads are slick and snowy

(Metaphorically as well)

She chuckles

And turns up the volume

Wondering

If he was a vampire

Sent to suck life away…

but no matter what

she'll keep believing in restoration

and she always smiles

when the sun shines

phoenix rising

a single feather
teardrop
ashes
I disintegrate
slowly
overwhelmed
consumed by fire
cleansing burning
destroying the chaff
a renewed heart
burning
until
a new morning
phoenix rising

last year's color

When you find out you still love someone, there are usually two options:
1.) Drive it way back deep down there and out of your life - painful but more practical considering the circumstances. It involves lots of something that keeps you active and actively not thinking - ie working out with lots of kelly clarkson music, spending all your money, and checking out other guys more than you already do.
Or there's
2.) Putting all your hopes and fears on the line and doing the stupid but incredibly romantic things those hollywood hunks do onscreen - driving to their house at night, throwing a rock at the window, and proclaiming your undying love and dedication to so and so.
Option 1 doesn't require any sacrifice in pride or dignity and is therefore less scary, but it also leaves the hateful "wiggle room" which, two months later, still leaves you awake at night wondering "could we have made it?"
Option 2 is scarier because its you out in the open - skin, bones and blemishes - and if it fails, it probably hurts more emotionally. However, you'll never be left asking, "what if?"

Everything is, however, all in your mind anyway, so even making a decision to either choose option 1 or 2 seems foolish if the other party is so over you like joan rivers is so over what they wore last year to the oscars. I mean honestly, that orange is soo not "in" anymore... And anyway, what good is it going to do you, still thinking about him at this point? Are you that much of an emotional masochist? Or do you really just hate being single? Or are you one of those people who can't "let go" the way everybody else is able to?
Or... and this is your worst fear ever... you really miss him. Not the boyfriend. Not the kisser. Not the guy who paid for dinners or the guy who bought you presents or the guy who ran up your phone bill so that you had to switch to a new one just to talk as long as you wanted. You miss the guy. The actual person. The one who made you smile even when he was being a huge dork. The voice who always calmed you down when you were freaking out. Sure, sometimes he managed to royally piss you off and frustrate you so that you wanted to tear his leg hair out strand by strand... but it made you feel alive. You knew that his common sense grounded your head in the clouds. His goal-setting encouraged you to reach yours. His logical thinking counterracted your scatter-brained responses to life. He made you feel like a princess and you, you thought you made him feel loved.
Apparently you were wrong.

And its not like you need him in your life. You know you don't. Life goes on... always. But you find that you really, really want him in your life. The kicker is you know you can't be selfish - if he doesn't want the same thing, then goodbye moon.

When you find out you still love someone,
you just might explode.
--------------------------

-----------

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

Sarah McLachlan - Answer