??????

I've always been a goal-oriented person. I set goals - I either meet them or I don't - and thats the way it goes. But, they've always been rather short term. Minus the "travel the world" goal and the "write a novel" goal. Other than that, its been a sort of step by step process.
And now, I'm getting to the big step. The step at the top of the stairs, maybe. The step that finally gets you to the floor.
One. more. year.
And what do I want to do, you ask? Um.. well... Honestly? I don't know. I'd like a job, that'd be nice. And a place to live. I'd like to live near family or friends. But that has even widened in definition since I'm up and down the east coast so much. I'd like to make enough money to survive. I'd like to fall in love.
While they're all very good aspirations, they are all very vague. An enduring fault of mine. Which is also why I have yet to come up with a thesis topic and why I'll probably just be taking comps. Indecisive-ness is killer.
I've fulfilled my two main college goals - study abroad and get an internship in DC - and now... well, now I don't really know whats next. I don't really know what I want next. And I feel like so many of my friends do. Jenna will be a teacher. Samantha is getting married. Whitley, Sam, and Mary want to go to graduate school. Nikki wants to move back overseas.
And me?
Well...
I'm not sure.
And I really wish I was.

fading much more swiftly now

It sucks to feel like you're not needed anymore.
I think thats one of the hardest things about life, for me anyways. People grow older and move on, and they don't seem to find your friendship, or whatever it was, as important as they used to. And so, they drop it, or forget it and neglect it until nothing is really left.
There are always those people that you will stay friends with for life - maybe not the best of friends, but if they called you and said "I need you to be here now," you'd do whatever it took to get there.
But it still sucks, to feel that connection fade.